Signs Of A Bad Relationship
How To Know When To Break Up
Knowing when to work on your marriage and when it would be better to call it quits and start divorce proceedings is rarely easy. Making the decision to divorce is not something you should take lightly, after all, you have made a commitment to your spouse, but there are several tell-tale signs that suggest a marriage may not be working. If you spot any of these signs in your marriage it may be time to split.
16 Unmistakable Signs Of A Bad Relationship
- You Think You’d Be Happy Alone
- Your Marriage Isn’t Meeting Your Needs
- You’re Doing It for the Kids
- Counselling Hasn’t Worked
- Your Marriage is Abusive
- You’re Sticking Around for an Easier Life
- You Have Lost Trust in Your Spouse
- You Barely Spend Any Time Together
- You Want Different Things
- You’re Staying Together to Save Money
- You’re Trying to Avoid the Stigma
- You’re Keeping Secrets
- You’re Being Manipulated
- You’re Stressed
- You’ve Reached a Deal Breaker
- You Are Cheating
- 1 – You Think You’d Be Happy Alone
After we’ve been married for a while, it is perfectly normal to occasionally pine for the single life when we were young and carefree. Most people do this from time to time, and it doesn’t mean there is a problem with your marriage. However, if you are really truly convinced that your life would be better if you were alone, it could be that your marriage has run its course and it’s time to move on.
- 2 – Your Marriage Isn’t Meeting Your Needs
Your marriage should be an equal partnership in which both you and your spouse work hard to meet each other’s needs whether they be emotional, spiritual physical. If your other half is no longer making an effort to meet your needs or vice versa, and if your marriage feels like it’s all give and no take, talking about a possible split might well be warranted.
- 3 – You’re Doing It all for the Kids
If the only reason you are still with your spouse is because you think it would hurt the kids too much if you left, you need to think again. Kids aren’t stupid, and they will notice that all is not well between mommy and daddy. What’s more, if you fight a lot, they will likely be more distressed by this than an amicable split. If you’re worried about who will get custody of the kids or how you can possibly ensure their needs are met following a split, a divorce lawyer can help you, so don’t put off what needs to be done through fear.
- 4 – Counselling Hasn’t Worked
If you have long known that your marriage is trouble and have taken steps to try and rectify the situation, such as seeing a marriage guidance counselor, but things are still not working out, there is no shame in admitting defeat and going your separate ways. It’s better than staying in a marriage that is falling apart and all of the issues that come with that.
- 5 – Your Marriage is Abusive
You should get out of an abusive relationship or marriage asap, and that stands for emotional abuse in marriage as well as physical abuse. If your spouse is abusing you, it may be difficult for you to make a clean break and free yourself of them, but there are organizations like the National Domestic Violence Hotline who can help, and if you let your family know what is going on, you can get the help and support you need to leave to a place of safety.
- 6 – You’re Sticking Around for an Easier Life
A lot of people stay in marriages that are clearly not working because they think it will cause them fewer problems, but if you’re staying in a marriage just because you think it’s easier than divorcing, splitting the assets and finding someone new, you really need to think again and take the brave step of starting divorce proceedings. It’s the only way you’ll ever be able to pursue real lasting happiness in your life.
- 7 – You Have Lost Trust in Your Spouse
All strong marriages are built on mutual trust and respect, so if you find yourself spy on your spouse’s cell phone, checking their emails or worrying yourself silly about what they’re doing when you’re not around, chances are your marriage is in trouble and you might want to re-evaluate the relationship completely, rather than continue torturing yourself.
- 8 – You Barely Spend Any Time Together
If you find that you spend much more time working and spending time with your family than you do with your spouse, you must ask yourself why this is. If you are avoiding them like the plague and doing all you can to be elsewhere, it is a sure-fire that you are not really happy with the way things are.
- 9 – You Want Different Things
If you want to have kids but your spouse suddenly isn’t interested, or you always dreamed of travelling, but your spouse wants to stay put, you might have to evaluate what is really most important to you- your spouse or your dreams, If there is no way that you can reconcile your desires, and it’s obvious you want different things, you might want to put divorce on the table.
- 10 – You’re Staying Together to Save Money
If the only reason you’re clinging on to your relationship is because you think that it will be more expensive to run two households, pay child support and settle your debts, you need to act like grown-ups and draw up a budget, seek legal advice and sort things so that you can both move on and get on with your lives.
- 11 – You’re Trying to Avoid the Stigma
It’s fair to say that there is still a stigma around divorce in some communities, but if the only reason you’re staying with your spouse is to avoid gossip and a few dirty looks, you need to ask yourself whether it is really worth limiting yourself to a crumbling, loveless marriage just so that your parents won’t be upset. It’s your life, and you deserve to be happy as much as anyone else! The people who truly love you, even if they are disappointed, will come around and support you no matter what you do. That is what friends and family are for.
- 12 – You’re Keeping Secrets
If you’re keeping secrets about anything from money to your movements, it could be a sign that you are not truly invested in your marriage, that you feel trapped and that you do not trust your spouse to trust you enough to make your own decisions and do your own things.
- 13 – You’re Being Manipulated
If you have come to realise that your partner is suing every book in the trick to manipulate you into doing what they want, being the kind of person they want you to be and getting you to think that you need them to get by, you need to run for the hills. This is considered emotional abuse in marriage, which although subtle, can slowly unravel your mental health and leave you not knowing who you really are anymore.
- 14 – You’re Stressed
If you find yourself feeling constantly stressed out when you’re around your spouse, worried about what they will say or do, or when the next argument is going to spark up, you might have to leave the marriage for the sake of your own health. No marriage should be categorised by stress or depression, and if yours is, that is one of the biggest signs of a bad relationship and may certainly not be in your best interests.
- 15 – You’ve Reached a Deal Breaker
Most of us have that one thing that we would never put up with in a relationship. It could be a cheating partner, a drug addiction or any number of other issues that if our partner crossed the line, there would be no coming back. If the deal breaker has been broken, and you really can’t it in find yourself to forgive the deed, there is rarely any point trying to keep the marriage going. Of course, you should try counselling first and try to work through the issue, but if you just can’t get passed it, move on.
- 16 – You Are Cheating
If you are cheating on your spouse, then it is definitely time to reconsider your relationship, do the right thing and move on. Bear in mind that being unfaithful doesn’t necessarily have to be physical- you could be conducting an emotional affair or spending most of your spare time texting an ex – either way, you will be doing yourself and your spouse a favour by admitting the truth and seeking a split.
When it comes to it, you are the only person who can decide if your marriage is worth saving or if you’re heading for divorce, and you should take your time to think through the situation as carefully and thoroughly as you can. However, if one or more of the things in this post apply to you, there is a good chance that you are not really happy in your marriage, and you owe it to yourself to come to terms with that and start the ball rolling on a divorce.
If you do decide to take the next step, you should try your very best to keep it amicable for the sake of all involved. A good divorce lawyer will be able to help you with this, but you must make an effort to stay friendly with your ex if you want proceedings to go as smoothly as possible.
Such an eye opener! The signs are common ones everyone probably know at the back of their minds. But it’s not until you’ve enumerated and explained each that things start to make more sense.
It is brave to to stick to something you’ve vowed to keep, but it is braver to admit when you no longer can. 🙂