The Day I Won 1.000.000,00 US Dollar
In Words One Million
# Disclaimer: This Post May Contain Sarcastic Content #
The day I won one million US dollar … it was a lovely quiet Monday afternoon, June 13th. As every day, I went online to check on my social accounts, my blog stats and of course my blog’s email inbox. 21 new emails and bammm …. blah blah .. 1.000.000,00 US dollar. Hang on a minute, what does that say? How many 0000s? That looks like ONE MILLION !!! And it says clear and big enough you WON …. not you could, would, or might have ….no, you WON!
Okay then, let’s kick it and be that bad a** smartie, we are known for. Let’s play that game … time to contact Mrs Elizabeth Hanks 46 @gmail -dot -whatever-com.
Here we go! Let’s grab the cash!
Of course, before and while ‘communicating’ with Mrs Hanks 46 I consulted almighty Google. Who and what is Publishers Clearing House Awards Are they legit? Never in my life, I heard about that thing before.
Please, do not take anything you read in here today serious !!! No way, I believe she is Tom Hanks’ sister, nor do I believe Mrs.Hanks 46 is anything but a programmed computer in a stinky sticky back room somewhere – Hanks46s are mainly spotted in their natural environment located in China somewhere!
And look, how nice she is! Due to my location … hm, how thoughtful is that? They are putting so much effort in, troubling the Express Delivery Courier Mr Brian (or Brain) Anderson, the Senior Delivery Officer (wuaah) all the way from the UK himself …I feel so honoured and blessed ….What a Day !!!
I think it’s about time to check on the Euro-Dollar exchange rate. One million dollars, okay okay it is not really one million for me, 1 dollar is not yet 1 euro, tho … let’s see how much I will have tomorrow (or very soon) in euros:
Hence I will very soon receive a cheque from DPD Express Parcel Delivery worth 892.3 *** euros (who cares about decimals) …. sounds friggin hilarious anyway!
Now let’s get back to reality and focus on the procedure .. calm down Klaudia, let’s do this step by step! It’s always good and advantageous to keep your senses together and remain calm. First, we need to get hold of the one million dollars, baby…
Next, contacting Mr.Brian Anderson as Mrs Hanks 46 told so … Hey, do you actually think, Mr Anderson himself comes over with my cheque? How will he find me? I never knew anything about winning money online, let’s see how this works …
Dear Mister Brian Anderson, it’s me, the millionaire to be….
…awaiting my money …please confirm estimated arrival ….
My email went out at 18.19 h and within the next few minutes, I received my confirmation. Look at it! Mr Anderson obviously has got his sh#* together, spot on!
- 1. A Certified Winning Cheque!
- 2. A Winning Certificate from Publishers Clearing House Awards!
- 3. An Approved Authorization Of Debit for Clarification ….(wow, impressive)
- 4. Certificate of the British Government ( holy moly) for International Cheque Clearance!
- My name (of course logical)
- Sex …. (yes, I am having Sex)
- Address (sure, you need to find me) …
- Marital status, occupation ….(who cares)
- Have you a valid passport or license ….. (eeehm, yes Sir I do have a valid passport, did you assume I am one of the Carribean Pirates, or what ?)
Please pay attention to the fancy colours Mr Anderson uses for highly official correspondences! The layout is amazing (how dilettantish), but what I like the most is the last bit of his email …. ‘would also advise you keep all winning and delivery details confidential for our delivery security and your security reasons as well ….’
How thoughtful these people are, yeah I know it is their job and this is nothing really unusual for them, but for me it is. I have never won a thing in my life, and now I am a millionaire to be very soon! Quickly replied and filled in my details as Mr Anderson asked me to do so, it goes without saying that I didn’t want to waste any time on that, dinner can wait!
We’re almost there, not much more needed to welcome Mr.Anderson and my one million dollar cheque. I think I’ll invite him for a nice meal out, as it is a long way coming over from the UK. Will he stay overnight? Awaiting now my final details about delivery, arrival hour and ‘how to act like a winner’, this is getting too exciting now! Reliable, as we by now know Mr Anderson, the Senior Delivery Officer of DPD express parcel delivery, the answer flew in right away.
Btw… these scammers have truly used the real address and details of that DPD company in London. I have checked on that as well, will DPD know about?
Ahaaa, now we are plain talking, Mr Anderson, it took you 5 emails to get to your dirty gist of the matter?! YOU want ME to send money to get my money? While YOU are holding MY cheque in your hands? Where are your details? Do YOU have a valid passport and do you have sex at all? Please understand … for my and your delivery security reasons…
And now let’s get that straight, I have made my mind up and I have decided to go for the express delivery courier service, for delivery fee payment details see my email …
That was the day I won one million dollars. Today is June 14th, no sign of Mr Anderson yet. I don’t know, but I think I have messed it all up big time. Haven’t heard from Mister senior whatever Anderson since, the 24-hour delivery deadline, that was hours ago …. do you think Mister Anderson is still coming? Stuck in traffic and no phone reception ….???
I hope, you enjoyed reading, although you might be asking yourself what is this all about. Well, I am actually quite lucky that I never had to deal with much spam and crap e-mails. That one looked pretty harmless, so I decided to jump on that train and suss that out. I have of course not opened any suspicious links, and I have not given any private details to anybody.
As I told Mr. Anderson, the given details are via my blog available anyway. So no big deal. I just wanted to disclose the procedure and illustrate, how they work and how their methods can provoke good faith if a person is a bit unstable.
I could track back their activities to the year 2008 without much effort! Just scandalous, how long they are obviously already operating. Please be careful with your private email addresses, spam belongs in the spam folder and then straight away in the bin! Nobody GIVES you anything without expecting much more back!
Here’s a great source for more information on spam & fraud worldwide: http://419.bittenus.com/
Thanks a lot for your time!
Keep your eyes open!