How To Deal With A Divorce
The 5 Stages of Grief and Loss after Breaking Up
When it comes to dealing with loss it is important to understand the process of emotions and accept that there is a journey to recovery. Each and every one of us will experience these in different ways. Some will take longer to get through a break-up and complete the journey and others will seemingly fly through. Grief can be split down into five different emotions. So let’s take a look at what they are and get to know the process a little better.
- I. Denial and Isolation
- II. Anger
- III. Bargaining
- IV. Depression
- V. Acceptance
How To Deal With A Divorce
Regardless of whether you are going through a collaborative divorce, a messy divorce, if you have children or not one of the first steps on the journey to recovery is usually (1) denial and isolation. The first wave of pain, especially if you had a sudden break up such as your partner leaving you for another woman, is usually the most overwhelming and as a defence mechanism to cope, our bodies usually go into denial. This makes it easier to deal with the shock and get through a break-up. You may find yourself saying “This can’t be happening” and find it hard to remember words that have been said. You may also find yourself forgetting any of the bad things in your relationship. Most people will spend this time on their own and very rarely is this a logical period in the journey.
Once your body has settled with the shock, the next step is (2) anger. Usually, this stems from our vulnerability, everyone has this defence mechanism not just the openly empathic. You may express this in obvious ways, aimed at your former partner. You might take out the emotion on those close to you. However you experience it, it is important you understand it is natural and not get caught up in the feeling. Let it out. Apologise to anyone who matters. Then find ways to deal with the reason behind it.
To regain control we then find ourselves at (3) bargaining this including normally unreligious people making a deal with god or starting to blame themselves for the situation. It tends to be a brief stage leading to (4) depression.
At this stage, when you start to feel incredibly low, it might be a good idea to get some grief and bereavement counselling. This is mostly used to aid in the recovery of loss after death but can be particularly helpful in any stages of grief and loss. You are, after all, bereaving the loss of a loved on. Talking about your relationship will eventually lead you to the final stage. (5) Acceptance.
The road to recovery is long and sometimes you may find yourself stuck on one of the stages, or moving backwards. This is just a sign that your body isn’t ready to move on however if you find yourself stuck on anger or depression in a prolonged period then you need to speak to your doctor to help you learn how to deal with your emotions.
Grief is a deeply personal and singular experience. You should never judge anyone on how they deal with it and others ought not to judge you. There is light at the end of the tunnel. So keep fighting your way towards that.
… wishing you well
Klaudia